Friday, September 12, 2008

Theft Warning.....

In the midst of all this Fall decorating I thought I would bring you an important warning.....

THEFT WARNING

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves......


My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick.The replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

And then the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?


When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story.

Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts -stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again - was it lifted from you?


THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!


P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband.


I thought this was great!!! And for you young bloggers....yes, someday if you don't watch out it will happen to you too!! lol


Also, my parents drove in late last night, actually early this morning. You see they live in Houston. I kept telling them they needed to leave (before they couldn't get out) and come here and they did...YAY....now they are safe from hurricane Ike. Update: My poor parents left at 8:00 p.m. on 9/11/08 and didn't make it here until today at 5:45 a.m., about a 10 hour drive....it would normally take about 6 hours....WHAT a NIGHTMARE!!!


37 comments:

Dawn said...

I think the same thieves have been to my house!!!!!!

Too funny!

I'm glad your parents are with you. That must be a huge relief!!!

Have a good day.

take care,
Dawn

Diane@A Picture is Worth.... said...

Hi Darlene,
I've been robbed too! LOL

So glad your parents are safe with you!

Hope Ike won't be too rough on anyone in Texas.

Hope you have a great day,
Diane

Deb said...

I'm right there with you. Those darn thieves. So glad your parents are with you. I'm not looking forward to the winds that are suppose to hit tomorrow afternoon. Keeping my fingers crossed that it weakens quick.

Empty Nest Full Life said...

They have been to my house too!!!! I am laughing so hard, what a way to start the day.

I am glad your parents are safe. They once had to evacuate Sav which is 90 minutes south of us, and it took some of the people 5 or 6 hours to get here. It was awful! Have a wonderful weekend. Jackie

Bella Casa said...

Ugh, I can deal with the thighs, butt and arms...it is the dang blasted turkey neck that gives me that stabbing feeling in my stomach whenever I dwell on it too much...and geez, what would it cost these days to get a facelift? I am sure it is not in my budget...I guess I will drown my sorrows in more buttery laden recipes from The Pioneer Woman, lol.

I am glad your parents got to your home in time.

Bella

mollyandmarshal said...

That story was hilarious!!

And I am so glad your parents are with you. I get so worried about the people who won't or can't leave. I hope your parents' home doesn't get any damage!!

Rambling Girl said...

Too Funny....Now that is what I can my hubby what happened to me...lol

So glad your parents were able to get out...this thing looks so bad...I saw the news this morning and you could not even see the Gulf from Ike in there.

chelle said...

That was so funny...they hit me at my house too!!!

So glad your parents made the trip...it's not looking good:(

Joanna said...

That was soo funny. *smiles*

I am happy your parents made it to your home.

Shannon said...

So funny!!

Twice as Nice said...

Oh, your so funny!! I think that thief is visiting me know and I'm trying to fight him with exercising but he seems to be winning!! I'm so glad your folks are safe.

carolyn at cranberry crossings: said...

Too funny! Same thign happened to me too! :D

I'm so glad that your parents made it to your house. But what an awful drive for them! But the important thing is, they are safe!

duchess said...

Glad your parents arrived safely and be warned....those same bandits have also be in SC.

Cute post.

Mabry's gamma said...

That is such a funny story, I think they possibly came to my house too. I swear my parts from my waist to my thighs has been replaced.

Glad to hear your parents make the trek to stay safe. Hope when they get back all will be OK at their house.

Cheri

VINTAGE GIRL AT HEART said...

Yep... I have had a visit from those same thieves!!!! I really do not understand what they are doing with all of those items they seem to hoard!!!lol
Enjoy your visit with your parents, glad they made it safe & sound.
(I think those dratted Hurricanes followed us from Florida!!

HeathahLee said...

HAHAHAHA! Yeah, those thieves have been ruining my peace of mind ever since my son was born...funny how that happened...

Your comment about how long it took your parents reminded me of when my husband was in New Orleans on business when Hurricane Ivan was bearing down on the Gulf Coast. They started evacuating and what would have normally taken him 7 hours took 13. It was reeeeally bad. Not as bad as some co-workers who took a different route. It took them almost 20 hours!

nikkicrumpet said...

OH MY GOSH!! I am at work and I am laughing so hard people are staring. That is only funny because IT'S SO FREAKIN TRUE!!!!Thanks for the post...it's not easy to laugh about those horrible thigh, butt, and boob issues! My daughter is in Austin...I keep hoping she is out of the way of that dang thing. She probably isn't smart enough to even come indoors!! Sheesh at that age they think they're bullet proof! Have a great day.

Sue said...

The thieves have made it to Alabama!! This was the funny I needed today. I know you are relieved that your parents are with you. Have a great weekend.

Scooterblu's Whimsy said...

LOLOLOL! Those same thiefs have been to my house too! Only they left me a STOMACH behind! ...wish they had taken some of it instead! LOL!

Glad your parents are safely at your home! Hope their home in Houston fares well! :) ~Rhonda

Lindsay-ann said...

That was so funny. You really brightened up my day. Those thieves have been here too - many times! I am pleased your parents are safe.
Lindsay

The Berry's Patch said...

I wondered what had happened to my behind. Brittany Spears probably has it now. Those no good thieves! :-)

The Berry's Patch said...

I'm glad your parents escaped Ike!

Sophee-a Laroo Bijoux and Sheri too said...

Happy weekend....Love that story.
We woman pushing 40, can so relate.
Have a great weekend and enjoy your time with your parents.

Angie said...

I was laughing out loud while reading this! Honey, I am feeling your pain! I want my old body back!!!

Rosemary said...

Hi Darlene,
Nice to meet you!!
Glad you came to visit my blog.
You are very funny!!
Glad your parents arrived safely.
Have a good weekend!
Rosemary

Debbie @ ribbonwoodcottage.blogspot.com said...

Those rotten thieves!! They need to be punished..I can hardly breathe I am laughing so hard. Great post! Tell your parents I said hi and I'm glad they are safe. That is what is important.
Blessings,
Debbie

Becky said...

That was a funny post. I laughed.
Some theivery going on here too!
I am so happy with you that your parents are there and safe. I have them in my prayers.
Becky

Carrie said...

oh my word I miss my boobs every time I go to bed that was so funny!

Nancy said...

Hi Darlene, Oh, they have been to my house too! And they keep coming back! Glad your parents are with you safe and sound! Blessings, nancy

B J's Corner said...

That happened to me years agooooo. Thanks for the reminder.
Really glad your folks are safe.
bj

Joy said...

You had me laughing so hard all of me body parts were jiggling, including my turkey neck!

Glad your parents finally arrived safely.

thestonerabbit said...

So glad your parents are with you--safe and sound.

Darlene, that same thief got me some time back, too!! What a gruel life trick!! :-) dana

g said...

Hey! The same thing happened to me!!!

a very funny post! you made me laugh.

Kim said...

We must live near each other, because it has happened to me just like that!

Marie said...

LMAO! I've been robbed as well! I wonder if my home owners insurance will cover replacements? :o)

I'm glad your parents are safe!

Neabear said...

That thief sure gets around. He has been here too. I am doing my best to firm up with strength training and take back what the thief took. Glad to hear your parents are with you.

My Crafty Little Page said...

Thanks for the warning, Darlene. Too late, though!LOL

What a relief your parents house is okay. Do they have power yet? So glad they came to your house and you didn't have to worry about them. The Houston news was on here in Austin all that night - of course I watched until 5 a.m. Like it could help or something - go figure.
\Love all the crafty fall stuff you've been doing - it looks great. Did the Ghost of a Flower get there okay? I always imagine it getting lost - fret, fret, fret! Okay, now I've written a whole book on this comment! Good night! Nancy